Monday, August 12, 2013

"If You Want A Successful Marriage,Then You Shouldn't Keep Friends". Foluke Daramola-Salako

Foluke Daramola-Salako is a Nollywood
(Yoruba) actress. She is married to Kayode
Salako, a businessman cum activist.
In a recent interview, they talk on their five-
month-old union.


How did you meet?


Kayode: I met her officially on February 13,
2012. I run Change Agents of Nigeria
Network, and Fasholamania Movement. They
are nonprofit organisations and I am also a
proprietor of a group of schools in Lagos. I
needed a popular face to help develop the
initiative of one of my organisations and a
friend suggested Foluke. We were introduced
to each other. Foluke is also an activist and
she became a stakeholder in the
organisation. She accepted to be the national
publicity secretary and we worked together.
Along the line, we discovered we had so
many things in common and the chemistry
of attraction started building.


Foluke: Before I met him, I was a single
mother and was already planning to relocate
to Canada because I had secured a
scholarship to run my post graduate
programme. A friend introduced me to him
and I saw he had a lot of laudable ideas. I
have always been an activist and I felt we
could work as a team.


But did you know he was married at that
time?


Foluke: Yes, and I remember I was
introduced to his wife at the initial stage of
working together. We were friends until he
started talking about the problems he had
with his first marriage. I didn't know he had
issues with his marriage but he is quite an
emotional person and as a friend, he told me
his experience. I understood the wife left him
on her own volition and I knew he made
attempts to resolve the problem. At a point,
he told me to step out of the picture because
he needed to sort out the problems in his
marriage. Later, he called again and said we
needed to move on.


Were there oppositions from both families?

Foluke: Initially, my mother was against it
but after her spiritual convictions, she
allowed us.


Kayode: A lot has been said about Foluke
and I; but I must state that my first wife
packed out of our home on her own volition.
When I was getting serious with Foluke, I told
everyone in my family to go all out and
make inquiries if she is my destined wife or
not. In fact, I consulted about 65 pastors
before I made up my mind on her.


So how did you propose to her?


Kayode: I didn't propose to her but the only
one I made to her was on February 15, 2013
when we got married. She has everything I
want in a woman.


Foluke: He wanted to propose to me on my
birthday and give me an engagement ring
but he changed his mind and decided having
a quiet engagement. We got married on
February 15, 2013.


Were you not sceptical about marrying an
actress?


Kayode: Before I met her, I never fancied any
Nigerian actress. I had known some of them
through my organisations and I had nothing
to do with any of them. But when I met
Foluke, she proved me wrong! She is very
reasonable, mentally upright, focused and an
ambitious woman. She is godly and she has
a deep knowledge of God's word. In fact, she
can recite over 25 psalm chapters off hand!
She is not materialistic; she is a very good
cook, homely and washes my underwear. We
share a lot of things in common among
which is the spirit of activism. Its fun being
with her and till date, we still live as friends.
What about the children from previous
marriages?


Kayode: We have five children. I have
adopted her two kids and mine are three.
She loves children and sometimes, I get
jealous about how she dots on the kids.


Foluke: I was in my first marriage for almost
five years and I was single for another five
years. Over the years, I have been
accustomed to my children and built my
world around them. Then, I made up my
mind that I would have relationships but no
marriage. When I met him, I knew I needed
to detach myself from the kids and create
time to build my home. I have started that
and it's working. My kids, especially my
daughter, love Kayode dearly.
How was transiting from divorce to
remarriage like for you?


Foluke: First, I will say divorce in Africa is a
horrible experience. I recoiled into my shell
because there was rejection, mockery and
you didn't know who was saying what. So, I
built a wall around myself and I have come
to realise that when you are in a marriage,
which you want to keep, you don't keep
friends. I don't have close friends now.


Kayode: It was difficult after my first
marriage because I was scared. What if this
one turns like the first one? Wouldn't I be
embarrassed again? Marrying Foluke was not
in the agenda because we were just friends
and working together. It was difficult to
accept but after praying, we were convinced
about each other.

Don't you get jealous when she mixes with
her colleagues and fans?


Kayode: From the outset, I knew she is an
actress. I am proud to be associated with her
but I don't get jealous. I am mentally mature
to handle that aspect of her life. I love her
dearly but I don't want to gag her because
she would not make it in her career if I do.
Sometime ago, we went to an event and a
man saw her, ran to her and gave her a full-
mouth kiss! We were all shocked because
the man came from nowhere! Not even her
husband could kiss her publicly like that but I
waved it off. I know my wife and trust her.
No rich man can buy her with money
because she believes in love. I know a lot of
men who were on her neck even before we
started a relationship but she prefers me.
People cannot understand our love and they
are waiting to read our divorce on the pages
of newspapers. They said our marriage
cannot go beyond six months. They will wait
forever because there will never be a divorce
(Foluke nods).


What do you do when alone?

Foluke: We talk about everything. There is
nothing I don't tell my husband. When the
lady who introduced us to each other started
a media war and said all sorts about me, I
was not embarrassed because Kayode knew
everything about me. I can leave my phone
with him without fears. To me, true joy is
having someone who loves you.

Kayode: We talk about everything. Foluke is
an open book- no secrets.
If you talk this way, why do celebrity
marriages fail?

Kayode: This marriage will work because we
have made up our minds to make it work.
Most celebrity marriages fail when the man
does not allow his wife have inputs. When he
starts to behave like an emperor or allows
insecurity and inferiority complex to set in.
We have decided to create fun within
marriage.


Foluke: I don't think celebrities fail in their
marriages. We are human and have
challenges like other couples. In fact, we go
the extra mile to make our marriages work.
Most female celebrities do the unusual and
make their men feel special. We just need
men who are confident. When we were about
getting married, my father-in-law and some
of his siblings were sceptical. I made
everybody realise that acting is a profession,
which I happen to find myself and I am going
to be a good wife.
Whenever there is a disagreement, who
apologises first?
I was in a marriage before, so making
amends when there is a wrong, poses no
problem for me. Most of the time, I say, I'm
sorry. Fortunately, he does not suffer from
inferiority complex.

What are the secrets of a successful union?


Kayode: Maintain that channel of
communication. Secondly, understand each
other and be friends. Moreover, a man should
learn to overlook things especially if you are
married to a celebrity. If you attach
meanings to every issue, marriage will head
for the rocks. Even when you want to scold
her, let it be in the confines of your bedroom.
Let the man be mentally mature too and be
confident. A man should not allow his wife
do all the work and share her money. She is
not your slave.

Foluke: Don't stop doing those things that
attracted him to you. He loves my legs and I
wear short skirts at home for him. Also, men
should pay their wives compliments.
Are there pet names?

Foluke: I call him Ade mi (my crown) and
Ayinde. He calls me Folu, when he is angry.

Kayode: I call her Ibadi Aran.

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